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    一场暴雨落下

    小时候
    我最喜欢抬着头
    傻傻地看着顶上的天空
    在家里的阳台外,在大楼的天桥上,在公园的旋转木马上
    我就是那个,一直抬着头的傻小孩
    我喜欢天上的云
    我喜欢云被染成不同的颜色
    我喜欢云被风追赶着,跑着,舞着,变成不同形状
    我喜欢雨
    我喜欢她低声地泣哭
    我喜欢她情绪的失控,喜欢她边哭,边发出痛苦的咆哮
    就像现在这样

    懂事以来,我一直觉得自己不是个爱哭的孩子
    小小的我,知道要坚强
    我喜欢美丽的云,喜欢顽皮的风,喜欢替我流泪的雨
    爸爸说,我出生的那天,就是下着雨的
    他们说,雨是上天的眼泪
    我说,雨是人心中流不出的眼泪,雷是人心底绝望的咆哮
    我喜欢他们,喜欢他们冲刷掉我的负面情绪
    天在哭,我在笑

    直到现在,我已经慢慢长大
    我才知道原来我竟是爱流泪的女子
    我才知道我不是那么的坚强
    于我,所谓的坚强不过是一种封闭,一种麻木
    我重新打开我的心,贪婪地呼吸,疯狂地感受
    我庆幸自己活着
    我庆幸一切的经历
    我放弃一些固执的坚强
    我放下一些过高的自尊
    我允许让人看到我的脆弱

    我讨厌拍照,因为我脸圆,上镜不好看
    爸爸说,拍照是,下巴往下收一些,低下头,会漂亮得多
    我以前一直学不会,我只习惯骄傲地仰着我的下巴,露出我的肉脸
    我一直觉得自己的小眼睛不够漂亮
    于是在拍照的时候,总喜欢瞪大自己的双眼,表情夸张
    现在不会了
    我会乖巧地低头,柔顺的笑,眯起眼睛笑的那种
    褪去过多的武装,不自然的东西
    也许不够美,但是最真

    所谓的人生八苦,我都已经尝遍
    相信别人也是
    我埋怨过,恨过
    但这种负面情绪一点用都没有,他们不能让我更快乐
    该伤的还是会伤,该疼的还是会疼
    想哭就哭吧,想要就去留吧
    想爱,就坚持吧
    再不行,就等吧


    how to heal?

    forgive&forget

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